I had an interesting experience recently, when I told someone who I know a little that they were the subject of an intimate dream. She said she should take it as a compliment and I said I found telling her (by email) embarrassing. Which was true.
But the interesting thing was that it gave some kind of false reality to the dream and has perhaps clouded my judgment as to how close I am to this person.
Has anyone else had an experience like this?
Quote from: Burned up on June 26, 2009, 04:48:12 PMI had an interesting experience recently, when I told someone who I know a little that they were the subject of an intimate dream. She said she should take it as a compliment and I said I found telling her (by email) embarrassing. Which was true.
But the interesting thing was that it gave some kind of false reality to the dream and has perhaps clouded my judgment as to how close I am to this person.
Has anyone else had an experience like this? I met a lady during a vivid out of body experience many years ago and then met her a couple of years later in the physical. When I told her about the experience, she checked her calendar and found that she had witnessed the same experience. Sort of blew us both away and we ended up being quite close. If I hadn't been married at the time we would probably have been much closer.
During the past year I've had 2 or 3 experiences with gals I know from work in which we just kissed, which seemed much more like out of body experiences than dreams, because of how vivid they were. Although I wouldn't dare mention the experiences to any of them I can tell that they remember them also. I never went looking for the experiences, as they just happened. And a couple of them occurred even before I even met the person, as I had only seen them in passing.
That's amazing. I don't know what to believe when I hear stories like yours. Whatever is going on, there is certainly some kind of communication that we don't really understand.
I nearly shared a dream with a woman at work but chickened out in the end. But I couldn't stop giggling whenever I saw her. She must have wondered what was going on!
But with the dream last week, I felt really very close to the person afterwards. She didn't mention anything about a reciprocal dream, though. But she did seem to guess what the dream was about when I first mentioned I dreamed of her. We don't even know each other particularly well although we've studied together and had lunch a couple of times.
What I have decided is that there is no right or wrong way to feel. I mean- why should any feelings I have be based on RL experiences only? If the dream has me feeling closer to her then so be it, regardless of whether there was a real OBE or whether the dream was a creation of my desirous mind.
I believed that shared dreams were real last night. When I'm dreaming, I believe. That's partly why dreams are so amazing.
(Bu: maybe the dream was an expression of feelings that you had, so it is real.)
Quote from: Moonbeam on June 30, 2009, 12:11:56 PMI believed that shared dreams were real last night. When I'm dreaming, I believe. That's partly why dreams are so amazing.
(Bu: maybe the dream was an expression of feelings that you had, so it is real.)
It's possible. I did have feelings in relation to her a year or so ago. But with me that could equally refer to so many people. And I've had much stronger feelings for others, none of whom I have shared them with. My intimate dream DCs are a mixture of complete strangers and people I want to get to know better.
Not sure about feelings being real. My desire for closeness is real enough. The object of my desire I think is a fantasy of what I'd like that person to be. The fact that she could accept my dream as an expression of something that can (probably) never be was, for me, very therapeutic. I felt...loved.
Quote from: Burned up on June 30, 2009, 03:49:57 PMThe object of my desire I think is a fantasy of what I'd like that person to be. Lol, I think that's true for everybody. You can only keep going after you find out the truth if the reality is tolerable.
QuoteThe fact that she could accept my dream as an expression of something that can (probably) never be was, for me, very therapeutic. I felt...loved. She is perceptive and insightful, figuring out your real intentions and able to understand what you were saying, and not taking it the wrong way--a person very worthy of your desire...doesn't that just make you want her more?
Quote from: Moonbeam on June 30, 2009, 09:12:49 PMQuote from: Burned up on June 30, 2009, 03:49:57 PMThe object of my desire I think is a fantasy of what I'd like that person to be. Lol, I think that's true for everybody. You can only keep going after you find out the truth if the reality is tolerable.
Another example of how we as humans fill gaps of knowledge with our own (rather biased in this case) theories
QuoteQuoteThe fact that she could accept my dream as an expression of something that can (probably) never be was, for me, very therapeutic. I felt...loved. She is perceptive and insightful, figuring out your real intentions and able to understand what you were saying, and not taking it the wrong way--a person very worthy of your desire...doesn't that just make you want her more?
YES IT DOES. And I don't think that's lost on either of us.
Quote from: Burned up on July 01, 2009, 05:27:40 PMAnother example of how we as humans fill gaps of knowledge with our own (rather biased in this case) theories That tendency is definitely selected for in this particular type of situation, for obvious reasons.
QuoteYES IT DOES. And I don't think that's lost on either of us.
Quote from: iadr on June 26, 2009, 06:20:05 PMI met a lady during a vivid out of body experience many years ago and then met her a couple of years later in the physical. When I told her about the experience, she checked her calendar and found that she had witnessed the same experience. Sort of blew us both away and we ended up being quite close. If I hadn't been married at the time we would probably have been much closer.
During the past year I've had 2 or 3 experiences with gals I know from work in which we just kissed, which seemed much more like out of body experiences than dreams, because of how vivid they were. Although I wouldn't dare mention the experiences to any of them I can tell that they remember them also. I never went looking for the experiences, as they just happened. And a couple of them occurred even before I even met the person, as I had only seen them in passing. Truly amazing!!
Very Interesting indeed.
Would be cool to have an experience like that
I'd like to run into one or two of my DC's IRL. Or even in another dream--actually, that would probably work even better.
Quote from: Moonbeam on July 03, 2009, 11:11:49 AMI'd like to run into one or two of my DC's IRL. Or even in another dream--actually, that would probably work even better.
If you did then you could tell your DC (in a dream now) that you met them IRL and that the two of you were NOT intimate together. Guess that is just as hard?
Quote from: Burned up on July 04, 2009, 08:00:38 AMQuote from: Moonbeam on July 03, 2009, 11:11:49 AMI'd like to run into one or two of my DC's IRL. Or even in another dream--actually, that would probably work even better.
If you did then you could tell your DC (in a dream now) that you met them IRL and that the two of you were NOT intimate together. Guess that is just as hard?
I don't know what you are saying! I can't even get the same DC back to more than one of my dreams. (Rarely I can, if they are based on a real person.)
Quote from: Moonbeam on July 03, 2009, 11:11:49 AMI'd like to run into one or two of my DC's IRL.I would love to experience something like this.
My dreams really are something I like to share, but apparently if I dream of someone it means I have a secret love for them So I tend to keep those experiences to myself
However I must admit, I do feel a sort of attachment to them for a while after those dreams happen. A longing probably, to get to know them better in hopes of finding some meaning in their random appearances.
Quote from: Burned up on June 26, 2009, 04:48:12 PMBut the interesting thing was that it gave some kind of false reality to the dream and has perhaps clouded my judgment as to how close I am to this person. Oh yeah, but that doesn't only happen with dreams. You know when you're really into someone and are daydreaming about them all the time almost obsessively? The same thing happens, it doesn't bring you closer, it actually drives you apart.
People grow close because of shared experiences in RL. When you have a large repitoire of imaginary experiences, you can't help but have those imaginary experiences affect how you interact with that person. Since they don't know where you're coming from, that creates a schism between you two.
If you want to grow close to someone, go out with them and do something crazy and memorable with them.
Quote from: The Cusp on July 25, 2009, 08:07:32 AMQuote from: Burned up on June 26, 2009, 04:48:12 PMBut the interesting thing was that it gave some kind of false reality to the dream and has perhaps clouded my judgment as to how close I am to this person. Oh yeah, but that doesn't only happen with dreams. You know when you're really into someone and are daydreaming about them all the time almost obsessively? The same thing happens, it doesn't bring you closer, it actually drives you apart.
Agreed 110%. We (day)dream of an idealised version of that person rather than experiencing them in real time. In reality they simply can't live up to our expectations. How often do we hear frustrated lovers proclaiming "He should be doing that" or "How can she do that to me?".
QuotePeople grow close because of shared experiences in RL. When you have a large repitoire of imaginary experiences, you can't help but have those imaginary experiences affect how you interact with that person. Since they don't know where you're coming from, that creates a schism between you two.
You put it better than I did
QuoteIf you want to grow close to someone, go out with them and do something crazy and memorable with them.
I'm seeing this person next Friday
Quote from: Higurashi on July 24, 2009, 11:15:25 PM
I was going to ask how you managed to find this dude, but now I've quoted your post I see its a DV dude!
Welll....?
Quote from: Moonbeam on August 03, 2009, 10:41:28 PMWelll....?
LOL we had soup for lunch. What was it you wanted to know? :chucle:
Seriously, it was a strange feeling. Like we were looking at each other mischievously. Good conversation but that was all!!!!
Quote from: Burned up on August 04, 2009, 05:17:22 PMLOL we had soup for lunch. What was it you wanted to know? :chucle: Well, that's not what I would call "crazy and memorable".
QuoteSeriously, it was a strange feeling. Like we were looking at each other mischievously. Good conversation but that was all!!!!
Well, as lunches go, that sounds like a good one.
Quote from: Moonbeam on August 04, 2009, 07:38:17 PMQuote from: Burned up on August 04, 2009, 05:17:22 PMLOL we had soup for lunch. What was it you wanted to know? :chucle: Well, that's not what I would call "crazy and memorable".
No, that was Cusp's suggestion. Anyway, I don't really have a lot of freedom here!
QuoteQuoteSeriously, it was a strange feeling. Like we were looking at each other mischievously. Good conversation but that was all!!!!
Well, as lunches go, that sounds like a good one.
Did I say we shared a chocolate mousse for dessert?
Quote from: Burned up on August 05, 2009, 01:05:30 PMDid I say we shared a chocolate mousse for dessert?
Quote from: Moonbeam on August 05, 2009, 08:50:44 PMQuote from: Burned up on August 05, 2009, 01:05:30 PMDid I say we shared a chocolate mousse for dessert?
Well that's intimate, in a sweet kind of way. One dessert, two spoons. Sometimes the spoons touch ... oooh. Hell, I'm too old for this kind of stuff.
Probably meeting up again in a couple of weeks time (she doesn't live locally).
Quote from: Burned up on August 06, 2009, 08:04:20 AMWell that's intimate, in a sweet kind of way. One dessert, two spoons. Sometimes the spoons touch ... oooh. Hell, I'm too old for this kind of stuff. Oh stop, it's fun.
QuoteProbably meeting up again in a couple of weeks time (she doesn't live locally).
Well, do let us continue to live vicariously, please.
ha ha ha! This is a great thread!
BU I am impressed that you told her that, it must have taken alot to do so, massive respect from me... you know I bet she thinks about it quite alot! lol
I dunno if I would have the nerve to tell people some of the dreams I have had! O.O
Quote from: Mark on September 10, 2009, 05:29:05 PMha ha ha! This is a great thread!
BU I am impressed that you told her that, it must have taken alot to do so, massive respect from me... you know I bet she thinks about it quite alot! lol
I dunno if I would have the nerve to tell people some of the dreams I have had! O.O
Well I didn't go into any detail. (There wasn't really any anyway, but she didn't ask). Anyone who isn't already frightened off at that point will probably handle anything else in the dream anyway.
Well, maybe your dreams need to be handled more sensitively
Quote from: The Cusp on July 25, 2009, 08:07:32 AMQuote from: Burned up on June 26, 2009, 04:48:12 PMBut the interesting thing was that it gave some kind of false reality to the dream and has perhaps clouded my judgment as to how close I am to this person. Oh yeah, but that doesn't only happen with dreams. You know when you're really into someone and are daydreaming about them all the time almost obsessively? The same thing happens, it doesn't bring you closer, it actually drives you apart.
People grow close because of shared experiences in RL. When you have a large repitoire of imaginary experiences, you can't help but have those imaginary experiences affect how you interact with that person. Since they don't know where you're coming from, that creates a schism between you two.
If you want to grow close to someone, go out with them and do something crazy and memorable with them.
Well many of us feel that shared dreaming is real. Say two people have a shared dream they are both attracted to one another and make love within the dream. Even though it was Just a dream... it was a shared dream. That dream is no longer in the real of imagination, because even though it was a dream. the experience is still REAL to them. And I would say that such a shared dream is a bit crazy and memorable.
Even if that's the case. The "dream" would still have Consequences in reality. Say one of the people involved is married, and they really believe they were in a shared dream with someone they know and had sex. That would have definite consequences.
Quote from: Man of Shred on November 15, 2009, 12:17:14 AM Well many of us feel that shared dreaming is real. Say two people have a shared dream they are both attracted to one another and make love within the dream. Even though it was Just a dream... it was a shared dream. That dream is no longer in the real of imagination, because even though it was a dream. the experience is still REAL to them. And I would say that such a shared dream is a bit crazy and memorable.
Even if that's the case. The "dream" would still have Consequences in reality. Say one of the people involved is married, and they really believe they were in a shared dream with someone they know and had sex. That would have definite consequences.
It's a debateable issue. I don't think I've ever knowingly had a shared dream like that. But, more generally, if we all have the capacity to dream sexually of each other then isn't that much the same thing? I mean, just because we haven't had a shared dream that's just down to chance not avoidance.
In my thinking, sex dreams are all projections onto DCs (real or unknown) of our fantasies and the object of the dream really has no control over our dreaming. It seems to me that just as we can find ourselves living in a strange house, and working at a strage work place then why would we not expect to fantasise sexually about people other than our current partner?
And for the avoidance of doubt, I am saying I told someone I dreamed of them, not that the two of us shared a dream. I can see how the title can be confusing and am now wondering if that's what your post was refering to.
QuotePeople grow close because of shared experiences in RL. When you have a large repitoire of imaginary experiences, you can't help but have those imaginary experiences affect how you interact with that person. Since they don't know where you're coming from, that creates a schism between you two.I'd say better. People grow close because of shared experiences. Either RL, either dream world. Sharing dream-like experiences (shared dreams, I mean) would create intimacy. But a kind of intimacy that someone only has with long-date friends.
Sharing intimate dream info with someone is hard for me. I had a series of dreams that involved a guy I knew online. We were friends but I didn't think of him in a sexual way. The dreams always involved me trying to seduce him and then feeling bad about it. The last straw came when I had almost worked up the nerve to tell the guy about the dreams (figuring a confession would relieve some of the guilt) and the guy played a song for me, I think it was by Hinder. It had a line in it that goes something like, "yes, I dreamed of you too.." It was kind of creepy and I told him I'd talk to him some other time.
I ended up telling a mutual friend of ours about the dreams and the song he'd played just as I was on the verge of confessing of my dreams. Our friend concluded that there was something I admired about the guy and he had me list what I liked about him. After going through the list, the dreams stopped and I felt 'normal' again. Dream intimacy is a powerful thing, so powerful that I'm afraid that it would affect my relationships with others if I did tell them about such dreams.
Sorry about that, didn't mean to ramble for that long.
Quote from: Vex Kitten on December 18, 2009, 03:45:45 PMI ended up telling a mutual friend of ours about the dreams and the song he'd played just as I was on the verge of confessing of my dreams. Our friend concluded that there was something I admired about the guy and he had me list what I liked about him. After going through the list, the dreams stopped and I felt 'normal' again. Dream intimacy is a powerful thing, so powerful that I'm afraid that it would affect my relationships with others if I did tell them about such dreams. One thing I've heard, is that when a theme repeats itself in dreams consecutively, it will stop repeating when we perceive the message.
QuoteSorry about that, didn't mean to ramble for that long.
Your experiences are always welcome!
Thanks StarSeeker. That must have been what was going on. I'll have to remember to start looking for the messages instead of taking dreams literally.
Quote from: Vex Kitten on December 18, 2009, 11:58:42 PMI'll have to remember to start looking for the messages instead of taking dreams literally. You are the best person to do it, but we can always give you a hand.
A couple of days back, an acquaintance of mine decided to rummage through my "DreamJournal.doc" file on my computer. Even though I've been having a rough time not-censoring here, it's what sits open on my computer, and real life folks might find, that worries me . That friend thinks of me differently now, mostly as "the weirdo". Probably didn't help that there was an intimate dream with her name in it. So yes..I guess it has somewhat clouded the relationship a bit.
However, (this is a bit off-topic) I do find, that despite ridicule or lack of understanding, discussing lucidity with real-life people, even if they haven't the slightest interest in it, may be the push I need to get into my "lucid mode". I get to thinking subconsciously, "If I'm talking about it IRL, it must be important to have lucid dreams".
But yes, back to the point, it can cloud judgement I believe. Close friends who know your interest OK, but those who are not as accepting, you've got to be careful.
What a sad violation of your privacy. I would think the clouding would be more the result of the breach of trust than from anything she found in your private file.
Either way, I'm certainly sorry to hear a relationship has been damaged by it.
I am careful of who I try talking about lucid dreaming with. My closest friends and immediate family know about it, but I've not had a lot of good experiences trying to spread the word beyond that.
I had a real "reality check moment" a few months back when I was working sound during a barn concert and during a break encountered a group of people smoking a number and discussing hallucinogenics. I sat off to the side, reading a book about lucid dreaming that Moonbeam had sent me.
After the group dissipated, one of them came by and tried making conversation with me by asking what I was reading. I thought - COOL! Here's somebody who is into altered states who I can share lucid dreaming with! I told him about it. . . and he glazed. If I remember right, (it is recorded in more detail here at MM somewhere,) he responded with a vague "Uh huh" and wandered off to find less scary people to make conversation with.
If I were you I'd think of that person who looked at your dream stuff differently and not worry if she is looking at you differently.
QuoteAfter the group dissipated, one of them came by and tried making conversation with me by asking what I was reading. I thought - COOL! Here's somebody who is into altered states who I can share lucid dreaming with! I told him about it. . . and he glazed. If I remember right, (it is recorded in more detail here at MM somewhere,) he responded with a vague "Uh huh" and wandered off to find less scary people to make conversation with. This is why I don't mention lucid dreaming IRL unless I'm absolutely certain that he or she is familiar with the concept and the practice. Also, in poetry, I can write it very clearly - they'd think that dream is a metaphor to something else!